Uday Mehta

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Thrones Theories: How Crazy Can We Get?

Welcome to Thrones month! In anticipation of the Season 7 finale on Sunday August 27, let’s explore the weirdness of Westeros with one piece (almost) every day! Spoilers through the episode "Beyond the Wall".

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Pinterest / Courtesy

Pinterest / Courtesy

Over the course of its run, the wildly popular Game of Thrones series has found a way to combine well-earned payoffs, unexpected surprises, and iconic quotable moments. As it nears the end with less than a dozen episodes remaining, it could use an injection of energy, possibly in the form of one of these twists (HBO, feel free to use any of them for free). Let's start with the most logical and ending with the furthest-fetched.

Daenarys Separates Her Dragons

For some reason, Dany locked up two of her three dragons beneath a gigantic pyramid, choosing to not lock up the one that you know, actually murdered an innocent kid. She then refused to take them back out, to an extent that everyone who hated her forgot that they existed and openly rebelled against her, at which point she re-released them and started murdering people (apparently for the element of surprise). Turns out three dragons are better than one. But she's been adamant that she doesn't want to be the 'queen of the ashes', (even though you can literally fly over the walls of King's Landing with a dragon, open the gates, let all the common folk out, and then start burning stuff), so she's dividing her resources, which might include her dragons. Does she send two to the capital to compensate for her lack of men, and have both of them die? Or does Drogon get killed off, which is a very Thrones-y thing for Thrones to do.

Bran Wargs Into A Dragon

After a six-season story arc that had only one payoff along the way – finding out that Jon Snow is a Targaryen – Bran really needs something to justify his existence. Possessing a dragon could be cool, and if there are only two left by the time this happens, it could be a way to hamper Dany's clear military advantage. Wouldn't it be epic to see Dany somberly whisper 'Dracarys' while riding Drogon as he faces down Viserion? Or maybe he could possess a dragon while Dany's riding it and have it shake her off.

Melisandre Burns Jon

Part of the Azor Ahai prophecy is that he must be 'reborn', and she's believed since the beginning that the place of rebirth will be Dragonstone. When Jon arrives at Dragonstone, Melisandre could whisper to Dany how he's untrustworthy, how she should rid of him immediately, to the point that Dany – who has a history of terrible decisions – will burn him. Jon will naturally walk out naked, since the show has given them magical fireproof abilities, and everyone will know he's a Targaryen. Of course, this invalidates Bran's efforts to find this out in the first place, but who gives a shit about Bran? Jon then uses his Targaryen abilities to command one of the dragons to burn Melisandre, who while dying loses her necklace, and everyone sees how old she is. Perhaps she disintegrates and leaves a shadow baby behind.

The Iron Bank is Funding Euron Greyjoy

The latest scary villain-type for Thrones to introduce has been a delight, in the form of a wisecracking, Joker-esque Euron Greyjoy. He kind of appeared out of nowhere, which is atypical of Thrones, but would make more sense if he had the backing of the Iron Bank. The Bank bet on Stannis since they thought he was the best shot at killing the Lannisters, who had effectively defaulted on their debt. With Stannis' failure, they're forced to turn to the exiled Greyjoy, who Cersei chooses to partner with since he has no known allegiance. It helps that Greyjoys are known as 'Ironborn', because you know, iron.

Arya Kills Cersei

It's a foregone conclusion that Cersei is a goner at some point, as we're winding towards Jon and Dany as being the last ones standing. The show also took the time to show a flashback scene of Maggy the Frog's prophecy to Cersei, the only non-Bran-related flashback we've witnessed. The final part of the prophecy (the only part that has yet to come true) states that Cersei is to die at the hands of the 'valonqar', which translates to 'little brother'. Cersei believes this to mean Tyrion, while the popular theory is that it actually refers to Jaime, who was technically the second one born even though they're twins. However, it could also mean that Arya, having taken Jaime's face, could kill Cersei. It's pure speculation as whether Arya/Jaime would count as a valonqar in the eyes of the prophecy, but as Melisandre said, "prophecies are dangerous things."

Cleganebowl Is For Zombies

Gregor Clegane, the Mountain, is effectively a re-animated corpse courtesy of Hand Qyburn – who coincidentally was a prisoner of Ser Gregor's back in Harrenhal. Sandor Clegane, the Hound, is currently travelling with Beric Dondarrion to Eastwatch, where the Night King is expected to be. It seems that the only way we'll get Cleganebowl at this point is if the Hound is killed, then revived as a White Walker, and makes his way to King's Landing with the army of the dead. Two different types of zombies, really. Maybe Septa Unella will strike the decisive blow as she cries out 'shame!' Maybe the Hound will be the first White Walker to talk, since he's so quippy.

Theon Swims to the Vale

The place that everyone seems to have forgotten about has been left somewhat unguarded: The Vale! Littlefinger took the entire army of the Vale to aid Jon up North, and presumably Sweetrobin is still in charge, looking for more teats to suckle on. Everyone says that the Vale is impregnable by land, but what about by sea? No one would expect someone to swim there. Maybe Bronn became the knight who guards the pass. Then again, Sunspear and Highgarden have been left unguarded too, without an actual Martell or Tyrell. Theon has his choice of vacation destinations.

Jon and Sansa Bang

In a moment of spite towards Littlefinger, Jon gets to do what Littlefinger has always wanted: be intimate with his supposed half-sister (but actually cousin). Maybe there's some Oedipal complex to counter Littlefinger's weird Catelyn obsession. Sansa says she learned a lot from Cersei and has even started wearing her hair like Cersei did – maybe one of the lessons was to have sex with your cousins while you have the chance? It's possible that this union happens in some tall edifice (Tower of Joy parallels), where Littlefinger discovers them and Jon has to push him out of a window. The things we do for revenge.

Ser Davos is actually Shireen

You can see in the 'Stormborn' episode that Davos is reading Dany's note over Jon's shoulder, but more importantly he does so without moving his lips. He also takes the letter and reads it pretty easily, without once bothering to sound out a single word, unlikely for a man with a reading proficiency as low as his. Perhaps Melisandre used the glamor spell to swap the two – since she hated how Ser Davos always undermined her – and burned Ser Davos at the stake. The question remains: how did she bring Jon back if she didn't have any royal blood sacrifice made? Probably because she used the leftover magic she had stored up from when Mance Rayder – who was once called King-Beyond-The-Wall – was burned, also at her behest.

Dany's Real Goal: Kill All Men

Dany is the preeminent feminist icon of the show, after the whole business with Khal Drogo of course. It's noteworthy that in her inner circle, she doesn't keep any men around. Varys is a man, but with neither root nor stem. Same with Grey Worm. Same with Theon. Tyrion is a dwarf, a half-man as it were. Maybe this is why Dany is reluctant to storm the Red Keep and kill Cersei, because she's a powerful woman in her own right. Maybe Dany planned for Mirri Maz Durr to kill off Drogo and her unborn son with blood magic. Maybe this is why she said nothing as Viserys was killed rather unceremoniously.

Ser Jorah Becomes the Night Terminator

On the same page of the book where Sam Tarly found out about the dragonglass mountain beneath dragonstone – which by the way, Stannis told them a few seasons ago, and it's literally in the fucking name of the place – there was a reference to how dragonglass can cure greyscale. It partially makes sense because Stannis was at Dragonstone when Shireen was born, and also because dragonglass is starting to become the deus ex machina of the show (see: Valyrian steel swords). Sam could potentially try to cure Ser Jorah by stabbing him with dragonglass – which is why he was clearing out the scaly skin over Jorah's heart – which is the same way the Children of the Forest originally created the Night King. Ser Jorah would then kill Sam and take Heartsbane (the Valyrian steel sword of House Tarly that Sam stole from his daddy). His greyscale would progress, making him entirely metallic, combined with the powers of the Night King, making him the Night Terminator.

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